I wanted to write a quick blog, since I'm a tad stressed out. I know that writing down my feelings/frustrations, tends to help me feel a little better.
I am so fed up with the payday loan cycle :^( I keep thinking that THIS is the month..I'm finally going to be done with this mess....and then...no. Something comes up and I don't mean a little something. It is usually my car. Blown tires, blown headgasket, cracked windshield (current), service engine..I don't even know what is wrong..but it will cost me a minimum of $65 just to find out! (current), cooling system, something going on with the steering it squeals and makes some weird noise when I turn (current)...of course everyone says to me "you just need to get a new car". A new car??? 0.o If I can't afford to fix this one...how in the world am I supposed to get a new one??
This month I have smog and registration (actually due last month so tags are expired) and my inurance/AAA renewal. I originally chose AAA because the rates were literally less than 1/2 of what anyone else was quoting (of course you have to be a member..but even with that fee..it was still cheaper!) but now I am so grateful that I chose them simply for what it has saved me in towing!
As I stated in my profile, I have to have my car...I have so many doctors/therapy/assessment, etc. appointments between my kids and I. Not to mention getting my daughter to and from school. Soon I will be needing to get my son to/from school as well. If they can ever get a proper placement lined up for him.
I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed because I received my Social Security payment on Friday and with rent and paying back cash advances I am already zapped. Now I have to cancel(postpone) my daughter's appointment with the pediatric spine specialist at UCSF. We were supposed to be heading up to San Francisco for her appointment this Wednesday and with expired tags and a cracked windshield (the crack is nearly all the way across and I've been told if I get pulled over again I will get a ticket that requires me to fix it within 2 days) I just can't chance it...even if I could afford the gas.
It just feels like I am drowning close enough to the surface that I can see the light glimmering through.. Although, I don't even know what life would be like if I could get my head above the water...but it would sure be nice to have the option.
